Imposter Syndrome
When we were young, we were handed stickers if we did well at school. Remember the times when you came home and bragged to your parents receiving the coveted star you thought you deserved. Ahhh the 90s, what a time to be alive. Over the years as we become more exposed to different experiences and especially in this age of social media, many of us stopped having this feeling, feeling that we are deserving of the feats we achieved.
Do you tend to always have self-doubt about your capabilities, think that the success you achieved is always due to external factors, feel that you wouldn’t be able to handle something even before you tried?
My friend, you might be suffering from Imposter Syndrome.
Disclaimer: This article is purely our views on the issues and how we ourselves handle the psychological issue. This is not advice from a trained professional or expert in the subject matter so be subjective on what you absorb. If you are suffering from mental illness that which relates to Imposter Syndrome, do seek help from the relevant channels accordingly.
What is Imposter Syndrome?
Imposter syndrome is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their skills, talents or accomplishments and has a persistent internalised fear of being exposed as a “fraud”. Despite external evidence of their competence, those experience this phenomenon remain convinced they are frauds, and do not deserve all they have achieved. Individuals with imposterism incorrectly attribute their success to luck or interpret as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent than they perceive themselves to be.
If you’re feeling this way, you’re not alone. In fact, 70% of people feel this way at certain points in their lives.
Even Albert Einstein suffered from imposter syndrome. If you thought the imposter syndrome was bad when you were schooling,
it gets a lot a worse in your adulthood
How will it affect my life?
Imposter syndrome can affect our lives negatively in many aspects without realising it.
1. Putting a ceiling on our potential
Many times, people tend to give up even before trying.
“I don’t think I deserved the promotion” “Aiya I won’t be able to find a job in my dream company one, I don’t think I deserve it”.
We put this invisible ceiling on ourselves that we set so low because we don’t want to be hurt. Lower expectations mean lower chance of being let down. We turn down opportunities because we think we don’t deserve them or are afraid of not being able to meet the expectations.
2. Work life
Due to the fear of being exposed as a “fraud”, we don’t dare to ask questions or for help. This reluctance of asking for help, will make us lose efficiency because we try too hard to solve certain things on our own. We fear collaboration as we fear being seen as the weakest link the team. People with imposter syndrome also tend to work “harder” (not smarter), most often to the point of burnout to prove they are “enough”.
3. Friendships
As you try to balance that mental seesaw and work yourself harder, you end up losing energy for many things around you. This includes your friends – shorter replies (or not even replying till weeks later), or meeting them even less. Not just because you are tired, but also because somehow, you believe that your friends would think less of you because you’ve not made much progress or progress is somehow due to “luck”.
4. Relationships
People with imposter syndrome have this internal false belief that they are not enough for their partners, or anyone. I’m sure most of us know how insecurities can affect relationships. We may seek excessive validation, constantly feel dejected because we think we are not attractive enough, being afraid that if you are vulnerable, you may lose your partner. Many times, frustration builds up because we do not allow ourselves to express our insecurities, which often results in a shorter temperament. We end up projecting these thoughts onto our partners, which will end up in unnecessary squabbles.
5. Mental Health
We all know that constantly comparing ourselves to others and not accepting what we achieved will drain us over time.
What can I do about it?
Keep track of your achievements
Remind yourself once in while the things you have accomplished till date, or within a time frame. We constantly think that we are not good enough because we celebrate other people’s success and milestones but put down our own. Of course, all awards sound pointless if you are always going to compare it with things such as the Nobel Prize or the Grammy Award.
If you tell yourself you have not achieved much, you are just looking it at a far wider frame than you should. Include the baby steps that you took, the small milestones you have achieved. Instead of for example, “I have saved xxx amount of money by age 30”, celebrate that you took the first step such as “I have saved 10% more than last month”.
Cut down time on social media
Let’s be real, even though many of us in media say that we live and breathe social media due to it being our livelihood, we all know spending too much time social media is toxic. Everyone puts up their best on social media. As much as we tell ourselves not to compare, we tend to benchmark our lives to the lives that people are “showing” to us unknowingly.
For example, graduating from college is a feat already remarkable on its own, and was something we aimed for when we were kids. However, many of us do not even acknowledge it as a feat of accomplishment. Reason? We see everyone celebrating the same thing, posting graduation photos on social media.
When you see your friends living the high life, you might feel that you don’t know how to enjoy your life.
Yay I got promoted to senior executive let me post on LinkedIn, ah shit my batchmate just shared an update that they are already a manager… *IMPOSTER SYNDROME INTENSIFIES*
Talk about it
Many people suffering from imposter syndrome are afraid when they talk about their feelings that their fears will be confirmed. The scenario we imagine goes something like:
Me: “I don’t think I deserve the promotion more than Jane.”
Coworker: “Yes, I think so too.”
But how many times do things go as bad as you imagined? Our mind tends to protect ourselves from the worst possible outcome. However, I am very certain, whatever you are worrying will turn out way better than you thought. Sharing your feelings with others will also allow you to feel relief knowing that your peers are also going through this and you may help each other to provide the validation each of you need. Don’t be afraid to show vulnerability because others probably face the same if not worst than you.
Conclusion
Hopefully by sharing this and letting you know that many other people in the world are also suffering from “imposterism” will make you less alone about your situation.
Once you are aware of “Imposterism”, you can start taking baby steps to combat these feelings by revisiting some of the positive feedback given to you or taking some of the things we have discussed in this article. With increasing awareness on how common these experiences are, perhaps we can be more frank about our feelings and build confidence, accepting that we belong.
It’s hard to get rid of this imposter syndrome completely when we had it for many years. Many people have already shown that this phenomenon could last a lifetime. We should not dismiss this feeling, however, what we can do is, to do our best, to embrace it and prevent it from hindering your success.